Cooper's Arrival and Afterwards

So im sure many of you are wondering how we got little cooper into the world and let me tell you it was not at all how i expected or wanted any of it to go. God truly had his hand on every part of his delivery because quite frankly, my life and Coooper's life were in danger and nobody knew it yet.  I woke up at 5:30am on Saturday January 28th with a lot of back pain. I thought maybe I had slept funny because I've done that before so I ignored it and tried to go back to sleep. It didn't work very well, and by 10am I was telling Kris to call the doctor because I couldn't stand how much pain my back was in. I wasn't having hard contractions at this point, but something just told me this wasn't right and I needed to know what was up. We got to the hospital and while in the triage room my contractions started getting stronger and stronger. I was 2cm, but they decided to admit me anyways since my contractions were showing all signs of active labor. Less than 2 hours later I was at 3cm and saying I wanted the epidural because my contractions were 1-3minutes apart and I couldn't stand it. Right before I got my epidural, I thought my water had broke. It turned out I was bleeding very heavily. My doctor said it was ok in some women, but that they were going to break my water and see how that turned out. There was blood in my fluid. It was at this point that my doctor looked at me and said that while Cooper wasnt showing any signs of distress, all of this blood loss was an indication that my placenta could possily be tearing away. If we let it go, I would bleed to death internally and Cooper would die from all the blood as well. I was told it was time for a c section and within 5minutes I was being wheeled into the OR. I was given a crap load of epidural and it didn't numb me enough, so Kristoffer was sent from the OR and I was put completely under. The last thing i remember hearing was "Night Night Sweetie" and thinking "Why? I'm not the least bit sleepy yet"...lol I'm not sure how much time passed, but next thing I knew I was waking up in a recovery room. THIS was the hardest part. I think because I never got to emotionally process what was happening to me, I woke up sobbing my eyes out wondering where Cooper was and if he was ok. I cry thinking about it because never in my life has my own life and well being been so far from my mind. I was completely consumed with knowing every detail about Cooper. The first thing i said was "Is he ok???" I was assured by all the nurses that he was precious, healthy, and that his Daddy hadn't left his side. For some reason though, this wasn't cutting it for me. I NEEDED to hear it from Kristoffer, or see him with my own eyes. I was told I wasn't allowed to leave the recovery room for 1 hour. Never has 1 hour seemed so long in all my life. Kristoffer came to me and showed me pictures and told me all about him and all I could do was cry. I kept thinking about how the first people he saw and heard were strange doctors and I wanted to die. I'm his mother, I'm supposed to be there every step of the way for him, and here I was already failing at it. I had been waiting so long to hold him and care for him and now here I was, hyped up on enough pain medication to put a horse to sleep (The nurses words not mine) and unable to see my baby boy. I was also told that it was a VERY good thing I had the c section because my placenta was already 50% detached. I don't know how much longer it would have taken for it be completely off, but I'm so incredibly grateful that we will never know the answer. God knew what He was doing when He brought Cooper into this world, and now that I can't imagine life without him, it all seems so insane to me that it was once threatened so severely.After almost 2 hours of waiting I was FINALLY moved down to my room and after another 30minutes of getting settled, checking vitals, etc etc, Kris wheeled Cooper in to see me. I completely lost it again. Every detail about him was perfect. For those of you who haven't had your babies yet, prepare yourself for such a rush of love you won't know what to do with yourself. Every fiber of my being was suddenly wrapped up in this tiny 7lb 2oz baby boy and I was in Heaven over it! It's a long road ahead, and sadly now, anymore children I have will be delivered via c section, but I'm trusting that God has a plan for all of this. My recovery is going to take about 6weeks, and everything I do for Cooper is a struggle at this point, but I'll make it through. I'm getting stronger everyday and now that I'm home I can get settled into a routine and work out a system to help myself be more independant and enjoy every minute I have with my precious Cooper Ray! 

I thought after having the C section I was in the clear, but it turns out I wasn't.  Because I had lost so much blood, my iron level was way low, my white blood cell count was too high, and my heart rate would spike and then plumit.  I ended up needing a blood transfusion to get everything stable again on Sunday and then they had to monitor me, draw blood far too many times to test my levels, and give me another IV before I was allowed to go home on Tuesday January 31st.  It was also really hard to get any rest because the nurses and doctors seem to have no concept of letting someone sleep.  They were killing me because they were all saying "Get plenty of rest." and then they would be in and out of my room almost every hour with something that needed to be done.  Coming home was such a relief to be able to just relax without interuption from doctors and nurses.  I never had a problem tending to Cooper, but it felt like JUST when I would get him down and settled in, somebody was coming in my room delaying me from getting the rest I needed.  I know they were doing all the right things for me and I'm so thankful for it, but at the same time coming home was a wonderful feeling. 

And now I have THIS wonderful, sweet, precious, face to enjoy everyday for the rest of my life and I cannot thank God enough for blessing me with him. 

 I have a whole new outlook on love and what it means.  Cooper is 11 days old and the way my love for him grows each day amazes me.  I simply cannot believe that this is my son!  He does so many adorable things and watching him grow and learn and change each day is the best blessing a person could ask for in life.  I am a firm believer that there is almost no greater joy than being a Mother.  <3

My Dear Boy

Where do I begin?  It was quite the shock when Daddy and I found out you were on your way.  I know I wasn't ready to be a Mommy and I was scared out of my mind.  It didn't take long though for me to fall head over heels in love with you.  With every ultrasound, kick, punch, roll, and flip I began to cherish you more and more.  While physically being pregnant has been really hard on me, I'm ever so glad the end result gets to be you!  We are so excited for your arrival and simply cannot wait to hold you close and shower you in so much love and devotion.  I have dreamt of holding you for the first time and looking into your precious face and it's the best dream I've ever had.  You are so loved my dear boy and I hope you enjoy reading your story one day when you are older, because I just love telling it!  :)

It was just a few days before your Daddy's birthday in June that he insisted I buy a pregnancy test.  I kept telling him I wasn't pregnant, but he insisted so much that I finally gave in to make him happy.  I took the test that night and low and behold Daddy was right, MUCH to my surprise.  Daddy was so happy and I was in a complete state of shock.  It took me a few days to have it fully sink in and be excited about it, but I once I did, I never looked back.  While we weren't planning for you, I wouldn't change anything for the world.  We were about to begin a journey I will never forget.

This is the first time I saw you.  I wish I could explain to you what that felt like.  I had known you were coming for a little over a month now and you were so tiny and precious then.  Suddenly you became so real to me and I started to feel very protective over you.  While I still very sick with morning sickness (even though it was more like 24/7 sickness) I started to imagine whether or not you were a boy or girl and who you would look like and what kind of person I wanted you to become.  You are a miracle created by God my dear Cooper.  How you are formed is truly amazing.  God works out every detail so perfectly and as I have watched you grow and change over these last 9 months I am constantly reminded of how you are fearfully and ever so wonderfully made.  It wasn't too long after this picture that we learned you were going to be a sweet baby boy!

Just look at how much you had changed in 8 weeks!!  Daddy and I were completely blown away when we saw you again.  You had gotten so much bigger and your features were coming through so much clearer and I could feel you moving all over by this point.  You have such a sweet little face, despite your best efforts to hide from us we found a way to see you and it truly took our breath away. 

You were a bit camera shy like your daddy, but it was still so insanely cute!  We watched you move around and show us that you were indeed a little boy.  I thought you were going to be a boy as soon as we got the ultrasound scheduled.  I kept it to myself mostly because pretty much everyone else thought you were going to be a girl!  Needless to say you were quite the shocker when Daddy and I announced you were a boy.  Your Granny went out a few days later and bought you quite a few little outfits because she was so excited.  :)  This was also the point when Daddy and I decided we were going to use the same theme for your nursery that he had.  It seemed fitting for you to share Winnie the Pooh with him.  We went to regular doctors appointments every month and then it was down to every 2 weeks.  Your doctor thought you might be too small so he wanted to check your size and sent us for another ultrasound.  It had been almost 3months since we last saw you, so Daddy and I were very excited!

Once again you had changed so much!  You started to look more and more like Daddy and weighed 3.5lbs!  After every ultrasound we just had to brag about how handsome and special you were to just about anyone who would listen.  You had captured our hearts and minds and we couldn't help it!  Daddy would talk to you and you would either kick or punch back to let him know you could hear him.  It was so sweet to watch and see you start to recognize him.  He loved it too and rarely let a day go by without talking to and playing with you.

And now my little man here we are, about a week away from your due date, ever so anxiously awaiting your arrival.  You gave a false alarm about a 3weeks ago, but it just wasn't your tme yet.  It did mean we got one last look at you before you decide to enter this world.  You were BEYOND cute!  You have doubled in size and are now over 7lbs!  I'm glad you are going to be here so soon because if you get too big I won't be able to get you out, you little stinker!

We were SHOCKED to see you with your eyes open!!  We got to see you blink and practice breathing and never in all my life has something as simple as breathing and blinking meant so much to me.  You are so very loved little man!  Your face was just amazing.  It was so neat to think that you were almost ready to come meet us!  You are also pretty cramped in there and I feel bad about that because I can tell when you are trying to get comfortable and can't.  I promise though, I'm really uncomfortable too, so I understand how much of a struggle it is to find a good position! 

We couldn't believe that your FOOT was almost covering your face!  Once again you had your hands blocking your face and you refused to move them.  The ultrasound tech ended up taking a little noise maker and sent a loud buzz into my stomach and boy did you jump!!  I laughed at the time, but I felt terrible seeing and feeling your whole body jump from the noise.  It was nice to see your little face though because you are just so darn handsome! 

So now little Cooper, it's up to you to come show yourself and let Daddy and I meet you.  Dr. Ahmad says you have until Monday and then he's going to force you out!  Regardless of how you enter this world though, never ever forget that your Daddy and I will always love you, support you, protect you, teach you, and guide you.  We can't wait for you to get here and even though taking care of a newborn is hard work, we welcome it because you are so worth it little boy!  You are the most precious gift that Daddy and I will ever get and we want you to know that no matter where life takes you as you grow up, you have parents that can't wait to watch you grow and turn into a wonderful young man, husband, and father of your own someday!  Now stop kneeing me and go to sleep!  ;-)